Helaman’s Army

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! If you'd like to write for Helaman's Army, please use the contact form and let us know!

One of the assignments in a high school religion class was to look at how your image of God has changed through the years. I have reflected on this in recent days and have tried to answer this question probably more fully than I did even in the years leading up to my original writing in high school while realizing the changes that have come to me in the years since my original writing.

I start now at the same place that I think I started in my assignment. I was a child and I think in First Grade. I was seated on the floor with my class while a Priest spoke with us. This was a rare visit. The Priest taught us that even if we were all alone and thought nobody knew what we were doing that God knew. I remember listening pretty intently and that the words had some effect on me and my earliest views of God as someone who knows everything. There are no secrets from God.

My belief in God in my grade school years revolved around God being the giver of what I wanted. I wanted him to perform a miracle to do my Math homework when I forgot my book and tried to bargain with him with such things as making my bed. The homework was undone by the sentence seemed light compared to what I feared. I hate to think of seeing God in the same light as Santa Claus. But in some ways that may have been my view. I recall once even praying to God to let Santa know what I wanted to Christmas.

In around fourth and fifth, I would rattle of the most shallow and short prayer. There was no foreshadowing of someone who would be spiritual in later years. In not so many words, I was basically asking to have good enough vision not to need glasses and to remain a child. I realize how worried my parents would have been if I were frozen in time in childhood as was my heart’s desire. I don’t recall praying for another during this period. It was all about me and not growing up. There was no real relationship with God. I didn’t even invite his help in other areas of my help nor do I think I was cable of that broad of thinking yet.

At my school, we would sometimes have a time when we could say confessions to a Priest. I remember praying on such a day in my youth with child-like faith in Church for my Grandma who had severe rheumotoid arthritius. Shortly afterwards, I learned that she was going to have a new treatment and I felt it was answers to my prayers. Later, I think I prayed for her again at Church during the time waiting or after seeing the Priest and shortly afterwards found out that the treatments that I think were not good were ended and I think I took this as an answer to prayer.

In high school, I was a rather troubled youth. Angst seems to have been coined for the very feelings of my youth. While I was not a wild child, I did have huge regrets regarding how I treated my mother. I felt like I was a monster. I don’t remember what I prayed about too much but I think wanting God to let me die was at the top of my list. Oh, I had depression too. There were a couple of times that I remember feeling good when praying. I did not know yet about the influence of the Holy Spirit. I felt a peace and knowing that God loved me who knew everything helped me. I still was just as troubled on a day to bases. Yet, I knew there were no secrets with God. He knew my every mistake. He still loved me.

After I became LDS, I conceptualized God as looking like Jesus. This was a little hard to get used to. The Doctrine that I lived with God before I was born and that he is the Father of my Spirit really made me feel more close to God. After receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, I felt so blessed and so much peace. I felt so very loved. I would also learn that faith allowed me to do things that were contrary to my shy nature. I did not know faith could bring about change before and of the assistance and strength God could give to us.

Later, I would go through emotionally a lot of trials. I felt that I followed what God wanted me to do and it was so hard. It was the hardest thing in my life. And I felt so prepared to do what he wanted me to do. I viewed God as a tester. And I was so shaken up. I was afraid to ask for guidance as I didn’t want to be put to the test.

Now I see again the many ways God has blessed me. And he has brought me out of that darkness. I think I have regained feelings of friendship that I had towards God during my early years of being LDS at least to some degree.

I have also had to catch myself at times and realize that as wonderful as it is to have a relationship with God that He is really infinite and perfect. I read a good book on Catholic theology that spoke of how infinite God is recently. I felt such peace in my prayer that night. Knowing that God is so much more than I can comprehend gave me such feelings of reverence. The feelings of faith described in the book are much as I have experienced through the years starting when I was Catholic and continuing as an LDS person. God has been the same all along and has reached me at times through the years and guided me. At times, I feel God has guided me in spite of the many roadblocks that I create.

God is infinite. And being perfect and more than the smartest and wisest person on Earth, God still allows me to approach him as my Heavenly Father. I have heard of people that are so intelligent that they can’t relate to the common man. God can relate to me when I am simple and also when I think I am much more mature and contemplative. I think I need to learn more of my limits and how much of what I am is due to God allowing me to reach this point and carrying me. God is personal.

Recently, it seems my mind has been opened, and I’ve felt new needs. Today was no exception. We got on the topic of dedicating our homes.

I quickly picked up on that and it occurred to me, that even though we’d been in our home for nearly 2 years I don’t think it’s ever been dedicated. It may have been blessed by my wife’s father, but I had not taken up the yoke of my Priesthood responsibility to do so. Like I said, recently things have changed for me, call it a spiritual awakening, or a spiritual maturity - either way I feel very strongly that our home needs a change.

I love it [The Gospel], and let me put it in context of why I’m saying it right now. Our home has some issues - I mean that in our family. There’s something missing, and I think it goes along with how we treat each other and, well, the lack of family unity we experience occasionally. If I notice this, then I know my wife’s felt it a lot longer. But I believe this is why I picked up on the idea of dedicating our home so quickly. I knew I wanted to do it and I felt like it would actually be a great topic to write about too.

So I do what I always do when I want to talk about something, I visit lds.org and see what has been written on the subject. I did a simple search, “dedicate our home”.

The dedication of our home brought about a change of heart in our family.¹

That was the first line of the first item listed in the return of my search. Could it be any more connected, or in tune? I know that was a long way round in explaining one of the reasons I love the Gospel, but I just wanted to express it.

I’m actually glad that I ran across this article. It sums up exactly how I feel about what a home should be. The couple who wrote the article give a perfect example (which is one of my reasons too.)

We wanted to have the Spirit of God dwell in our home to help us shape the lives of our daughters.²

Of course for us, it’s not all daughters but sons and daughter and so the level of craziness can get high pretty fast. But this is something I want my family to have. I want a sanctuary, a “sacred edifice where the Holy Spirit may reside” ³.

The couple who wrote the article weren’t aware that you could dedicate your home. I feel that if we [men] take up the call and magnify our Priesthood that this is just one more piece to having a more spiritual family, and bringing our families closer to Christ. Not to mention all the side effects this can have that we might not even think of.

We discussed as a family that my wife and I thought it to be a great idea and something that we needed to do to help our family. We also explained that we would take the opportunity to straighten the house and perform it in the morning. I’m rather excited to be able to share my faith and testimony with my children so they can see how personal the Priesthood can be and how it can be applied to their lives. As my boys grow and gain the Priesthood themselves I want them to know how to magnify it, and my daughter should expect her spouse to be an active magnifier (is that a word?).

I’ll take just a quick moment to express my testimony that the strength of a family spiritually is so important in these days, to be a stronghold against the coming storms. It’s so important to keep active in building up the family and dedicate it [the family] to the Lord, so that His strength and Spirit is an active part of it.