Jul

27

My Changing Feelings About God

Filed Under God Head, Gospel, Heavenly Father, Holy Ghost, Jesus | Leave a Comment

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One of the assignments in a high school religion class was to look at how your image of God has changed through the years. I have reflected on this in recent days and have tried to answer this question probably more fully than I did even in the years leading up to my original writing in high school while realizing the changes that have come to me in the years since my original writing.

I start now at the same place that I think I started in my assignment. I was a child and I think in First Grade. I was seated on the floor with my class while a Priest spoke with us. This was a rare visit. The Priest taught us that even if we were all alone and thought nobody knew what we were doing that God knew. I remember listening pretty intently and that the words had some effect on me and my earliest views of God as someone who knows everything. There are no secrets from God.

My belief in God in my grade school years revolved around God being the giver of what I wanted. I wanted him to perform a miracle to do my Math homework when I forgot my book and tried to bargain with him with such things as making my bed. The homework was undone by the sentence seemed light compared to what I feared. I hate to think of seeing God in the same light as Santa Claus. But in some ways that may have been my view. I recall once even praying to God to let Santa know what I wanted to Christmas.

In around fourth and fifth, I would rattle of the most shallow and short prayer. There was no foreshadowing of someone who would be spiritual in later years. In not so many words, I was basically asking to have good enough vision not to need glasses and to remain a child. I realize how worried my parents would have been if I were frozen in time in childhood as was my heart’s desire. I don’t recall praying for another during this period. It was all about me and not growing up. There was no real relationship with God. I didn’t even invite his help in other areas of my help nor do I think I was cable of that broad of thinking yet.

At my school, we would sometimes have a time when we could say confessions to a Priest. I remember praying on such a day in my youth with child-like faith in Church for my Grandma who had severe rheumotoid arthritius. Shortly afterwards, I learned that she was going to have a new treatment and I felt it was answers to my prayers. Later, I think I prayed for her again at Church during the time waiting or after seeing the Priest and shortly afterwards found out that the treatments that I think were not good were ended and I think I took this as an answer to prayer.

In high school, I was a rather troubled youth. Angst seems to have been coined for the very feelings of my youth. While I was not a wild child, I did have huge regrets regarding how I treated my mother. I felt like I was a monster. I don’t remember what I prayed about too much but I think wanting God to let me die was at the top of my list. Oh, I had depression too. There were a couple of times that I remember feeling good when praying. I did not know yet about the influence of the Holy Spirit. I felt a peace and knowing that God loved me who knew everything helped me. I still was just as troubled on a day to bases. Yet, I knew there were no secrets with God. He knew my every mistake. He still loved me.

After I became LDS, I conceptualized God as looking like Jesus. This was a little hard to get used to. The Doctrine that I lived with God before I was born and that he is the Father of my Spirit really made me feel more close to God. After receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, I felt so blessed and so much peace. I felt so very loved. I would also learn that faith allowed me to do things that were contrary to my shy nature. I did not know faith could bring about change before and of the assistance and strength God could give to us.

Later, I would go through emotionally a lot of trials. I felt that I followed what God wanted me to do and it was so hard. It was the hardest thing in my life. And I felt so prepared to do what he wanted me to do. I viewed God as a tester. And I was so shaken up. I was afraid to ask for guidance as I didn’t want to be put to the test.

Now I see again the many ways God has blessed me. And he has brought me out of that darkness. I think I have regained feelings of friendship that I had towards God during my early years of being LDS at least to some degree.

I have also had to catch myself at times and realize that as wonderful as it is to have a relationship with God that He is really infinite and perfect. I read a good book on Catholic theology that spoke of how infinite God is recently. I felt such peace in my prayer that night. Knowing that God is so much more than I can comprehend gave me such feelings of reverence. The feelings of faith described in the book are much as I have experienced through the years starting when I was Catholic and continuing as an LDS person. God has been the same all along and has reached me at times through the years and guided me. At times, I feel God has guided me in spite of the many roadblocks that I create.

God is infinite. And being perfect and more than the smartest and wisest person on Earth, God still allows me to approach him as my Heavenly Father. I have heard of people that are so intelligent that they can’t relate to the common man. God can relate to me when I am simple and also when I think I am much more mature and contemplative. I think I need to learn more of my limits and how much of what I am is due to God allowing me to reach this point and carrying me. God is personal.

Jul

3

The 4th Of July

Filed Under Ezra Taft Benson, Faith, Gospel, Government, Joseph Smith Jr., Preparedness, Prophesy, Responsibility, Teachings | 4 Comments

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on this upcoming holiday. Before all the fireworks, picnics, swimming and parties lead to one short weekend, and I realize I’ve yet to make a post.

I want to talk about why this holiday is one of the most important holidays to me. This one isn’t about presents, or candy. This one isn’t about bunnies or ghosts. This one is about God and this Country.

People can say what they will about the founding fathers, but they are all wrong! God inspired the men and women who led and changed the course of events to take this country out of bondage and create the first uniquely free nation, a nation founded under the belief in God.

It amazes me how far people will go in their effort to tear this country apart under the guise of freedom. Using inept interpretations of how those freedoms work. They tend to forget that with all that freedom comes a very real and a very great amount of responsibility. They take for granted, just exactly how they obtained the freedom they so carelessly toss about.

As LDS members, this should mean more to you then the jello salad you’ll have this weekend, or that perfectly cooked steak you’ll have. This country and it’s Constitution is so important to our religion. We should try to understand it as completely as we can. We have been warned, even prophesied - ““Even this nation will be on the very verge of crumbling to pieces and tumbling to the ground, and when the Constitution is upon the brink of ruin, this people will be the staff upon which the nation shall lean, and they shall bear the Constitution away from the very verge of destruction”1.

Does anyone actually understand what that means? In a talk given by Cleon Skousen, entitled “Secret Combinations and Freedom” he describes the answer by learning it, understanding it and being able to apply it [The Constitution]. Are you ready to bear up the Constitution? I know I’m not. But as brother Skousen said, it gives a measure of relief to know it’s us that will do it.

With the recent 2nd Amendment ruling, it was made evident to me, just how much I didn’t know. Sure I understood the basics, but even then I was painfully aware that I lacked understanding in key principles that I thought I knew.

According to brother Skousen, in another talk entitled “Secret to America’s Strength” he illustrates that the founding fathers answered every problem America is facing (I beleive the talk was written in the 70’s) at that time, and I’d be willing to bet still answers them today - but we’ve been slowly and quietly moved in a different direction. Away from what God had inspired these men to write, and what those words meant.

I’ll end this post with just a couple of thoughts and ideas.

The first so give you some cause for happiness. It’s a prophesy [The Constitution will crumble], and that means there is always a cause and effect action applied to it. If we do this, this will happen adversely if we don’t do this, that will happen. The Constitution need not crumble.

That’s where the second piece comes in. I’ve suggested it before, and I’ll do it again. LEARN THE CONSTITUTION. But don’t just read it, understand it. You’ll notice if you read the first couple of pages of opinion on the recent 2nd Amendment ruling that even Supreme Court justices reference 18th century dictionaries to properly define words used. You can do this too. I also suggest reference material, written by church leaders and scholars - Cleon Skousen is a great start and you get his teaching material that he used in his own Constitutional course given at BYU.

Readers, I testify to you of the power and strength of Heavenly Father. He loves us, and that loves is so deep and sweet that with it and His strength we can over comes anything! While I am not a perfect person, and sometimes feel so inadequate, but as my Father in Heaven has the greatest capacity to forgive and love me, I know that with Him all things can be accomplished.

One last thing, have a wonderful 4th of July! Cook a yummy meal and celebrate exactly what the 4th means to this nation and your family.

  1. Ezra Taft Benson, “Our Divine Constitution,” Ensign, Nov 1987, 4 ↩

Jun

29

Defensive About Beliefs

Filed Under Gordon B. Hinckley, Gospel, Respect, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I am not someone who sets out to bash. I have had less than a handful of incidents where I felt that combative feeling come out when confronted with people who had views opposed to my LDS beliefs. And such feelings are always met with regret. One of the people was someone who I liked and had only recently starting teaching. He was not bashing but rather sharing another religion that he had considered and I think how they felt Saturday was the Lord’s Day. I made a snide remark about pork or something. I felt bad and apologized. Later, I would learn a lot more about a denomonation who considers Saturday to be the Lord’s Day and gain so much respect for them after watching their network.

I think bashing removes us from the humanity of the other person. While it may not have been bashing per say, I have an older friend who said that she told the missionaries knocking on her door that she was already saved. As an LDS missionary, I remember having conversations and feelings about this and sometimes they were not so kind. The missionary retorted in what she felt was a rude way that he was going to heaven too or something to that effect. This woman had been a friend of my family for years. My dad worked with her husband. We socialized as a family and they had a daughter my age. She is very religious. Family is so important to her. She has expressed such care for me though we don’t talk much. I was hurt for her.

Sometimes I think bashing comes from insecurity or thinking we have to prove things. God is able to do his own work. And in the end, faith is always required to have any religious belief as you cannot prove it. You can help people with concerns and often bring out facts or help with false information.

I recall seeing President Gordon B. Hinckley be interviewed by Larry King years ago. The interview went well. There was mention of something of the Church and blacks and the Priesthood. President Hinckley pretty much said that was the past and we needed to look at the Church’s current postion. I would have probably have given some long drawn out explanation.

There was a sister missionary who according to a mutual companion was the hardest working of all missionaries. She also had such a love for her pioneer ancestor who crawled during part of the stretch of her Pioneer journey. I think she had a strong testimony. When someone confronted her about a belief, I think that according to this mutual companion that she was calm and did tell them that was what we believed.

I also have a side of me that likes to argue and win at times. I have to keep it in check. Usually I am very noncombative. Sacred truths are not a sport. We need to share with love and concern with a person and love them. I have had a couple of well-meaning people get under my skin as they tried to discuss my beliefs. One man was clearly trying to show me the error of my ways. My heart was not as it should have been in those moments. If love goes out the door, the conversation needs to end. Period.