Helaman’s Army

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One of the assignments in a high school religion class was to look at how your image of God has changed through the years. I have reflected on this in recent days and have tried to answer this question probably more fully than I did even in the years leading up to my original writing in high school while realizing the changes that have come to me in the years since my original writing.

I start now at the same place that I think I started in my assignment. I was a child and I think in First Grade. I was seated on the floor with my class while a Priest spoke with us. This was a rare visit. The Priest taught us that even if we were all alone and thought nobody knew what we were doing that God knew. I remember listening pretty intently and that the words had some effect on me and my earliest views of God as someone who knows everything. There are no secrets from God.

My belief in God in my grade school years revolved around God being the giver of what I wanted. I wanted him to perform a miracle to do my Math homework when I forgot my book and tried to bargain with him with such things as making my bed. The homework was undone by the sentence seemed light compared to what I feared. I hate to think of seeing God in the same light as Santa Claus. But in some ways that may have been my view. I recall once even praying to God to let Santa know what I wanted to Christmas.

In around fourth and fifth, I would rattle of the most shallow and short prayer. There was no foreshadowing of someone who would be spiritual in later years. In not so many words, I was basically asking to have good enough vision not to need glasses and to remain a child. I realize how worried my parents would have been if I were frozen in time in childhood as was my heart’s desire. I don’t recall praying for another during this period. It was all about me and not growing up. There was no real relationship with God. I didn’t even invite his help in other areas of my help nor do I think I was cable of that broad of thinking yet.

At my school, we would sometimes have a time when we could say confessions to a Priest. I remember praying on such a day in my youth with child-like faith in Church for my Grandma who had severe rheumotoid arthritius. Shortly afterwards, I learned that she was going to have a new treatment and I felt it was answers to my prayers. Later, I think I prayed for her again at Church during the time waiting or after seeing the Priest and shortly afterwards found out that the treatments that I think were not good were ended and I think I took this as an answer to prayer.

In high school, I was a rather troubled youth. Angst seems to have been coined for the very feelings of my youth. While I was not a wild child, I did have huge regrets regarding how I treated my mother. I felt like I was a monster. I don’t remember what I prayed about too much but I think wanting God to let me die was at the top of my list. Oh, I had depression too. There were a couple of times that I remember feeling good when praying. I did not know yet about the influence of the Holy Spirit. I felt a peace and knowing that God loved me who knew everything helped me. I still was just as troubled on a day to bases. Yet, I knew there were no secrets with God. He knew my every mistake. He still loved me.

After I became LDS, I conceptualized God as looking like Jesus. This was a little hard to get used to. The Doctrine that I lived with God before I was born and that he is the Father of my Spirit really made me feel more close to God. After receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, I felt so blessed and so much peace. I felt so very loved. I would also learn that faith allowed me to do things that were contrary to my shy nature. I did not know faith could bring about change before and of the assistance and strength God could give to us.

Later, I would go through emotionally a lot of trials. I felt that I followed what God wanted me to do and it was so hard. It was the hardest thing in my life. And I felt so prepared to do what he wanted me to do. I viewed God as a tester. And I was so shaken up. I was afraid to ask for guidance as I didn’t want to be put to the test.

Now I see again the many ways God has blessed me. And he has brought me out of that darkness. I think I have regained feelings of friendship that I had towards God during my early years of being LDS at least to some degree.

I have also had to catch myself at times and realize that as wonderful as it is to have a relationship with God that He is really infinite and perfect. I read a good book on Catholic theology that spoke of how infinite God is recently. I felt such peace in my prayer that night. Knowing that God is so much more than I can comprehend gave me such feelings of reverence. The feelings of faith described in the book are much as I have experienced through the years starting when I was Catholic and continuing as an LDS person. God has been the same all along and has reached me at times through the years and guided me. At times, I feel God has guided me in spite of the many roadblocks that I create.

God is infinite. And being perfect and more than the smartest and wisest person on Earth, God still allows me to approach him as my Heavenly Father. I have heard of people that are so intelligent that they can’t relate to the common man. God can relate to me when I am simple and also when I think I am much more mature and contemplative. I think I need to learn more of my limits and how much of what I am is due to God allowing me to reach this point and carrying me. God is personal.

When I was younger, I hated long prayers. There were certain individuals that I dreaded hearing it would be them praying. That usually meant a long winded prayer full of things I didn’t really care about - I just wanted to get on, whether it be to eat or play something.

As I’ve grown and matured in the gospel, I’ve come to understand the power that prayer can have and what it is there for. While I’ll admit I don’t know it all, I do want to talk about it.

The answer is simple, even if the question is hard. How often should we pray? Why is that a hard question, well it’s given right in the answer.

“Pray always lest that wicked one have power in you…” [D&C 98:49]

In my youth, I found that when I got into trouble it was because I was bored and felt I had nothing to do. At one time it was fire. I can remember distinctly sitting in our family’s basement laundry room messing around with various chemicals and solutions that were stored there. I decided it would be fun to see how they would effect a fire. So I lit a paper bag on fire and began to add those chemicals and solutions. In no time, I had a bit of a problem, the fire got out of my control. Luckily, I was able to put it out and clean up the mess, but it illustrates what can happen.  Spencer W. Kimball said “I have observed that sin generally comes when communication lines are down.” ¹

Luckily I have done a lot of growing since those days, and have learned that my best bet is to try and keep my communication lines open.

Increasing your prayers is the best way to do this.

Now that I have a family, it becomes even more important.  It’s such a blessing to see my young children wanting to pray. I feel that it is very important to have a family that prays together.

Nephi said “Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed.” [Nephi 18:21]

As a parent, I want to ensure my family is blessed, that they are watched over during the time I’m not at home. I know it can be a struggle on occasion to include them in prayer, but giving in or not praying is not the answer.

I’ve been very proud of our children, I’ve gone through the rounds of getting them ready for bed and have come across them praying on their own, in their rooms thinking no one was looking. I can see that our consistent commitment to prayer has paid off and our children are gaining an understanding of prayer. They have even explained to us, how they have used prayer to help locate various items they think are lost or how it has helped them to overcome a frightening or scary experience.

Family prayer is also a great way to help children gain a firmer foundation in the gospel, by they’re own experiences with prayer. What better way to help them gird up their loins against the increasing influence of Satan.

As the title suggests, by increasing our prayers, we can accomplish so much in the world. We must remember though, in all things, our thanks belong to God. [D&C 59:7]. Prayer isn’t only about asking, but it also about thanking. Expressing our gratitude for all the blessings we do have. This is another practice we have implemented in our family prayers, and one that should be included in each of our personal prayers. Even though there are times when I get caught up in what I don’t have, I try to remember all the things I do have.

I have gained a testimony of prayer through the continual use and practice. There have been times when I have had important decisions to make and needed the guidance of the Lord. There have also been moments when I have needed express help due to an emergency or other threatening situation.

There is so much to gain from praying with nothing to lose. It’s such a win win situation. By merely speaking to our Father we can travel the right path and find comfort.