Jun

8

Respecting Nonmember Family

Filed Under Family, Respect | 4 Comments

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I was serving in an area shortly after a young woman who was the girlfriend of a member joined the LDS Church. I believe it was our Ward Mission Leader who was very concerned that her “New Member Lessons” would be taught in her home. He wanted her family to know that we did not take people from families. While I am not sure why he felt so serious about the matter, I could speculate that it may have been based in a misconception.

There are times when people who are of age do have to make a decision to join the LDS Church against family wishes. I have known some who have made sacrifices in the short-term until family came around and even in the long run to join the Church or be active if they were raised in a part member family that was hostile to the Church. When possible we do try to respect family members and have appropriate relationships with them.

I was 19 when I was ready to join the Church. I think that I was of age by the rules then, but I was told to ask permission before taking the discussions possibly because I lived at home. Having worked with a lot of members, one of my parents was very open to the idea. The other parent was open but had a condition that I wish she had not said at the time. I had to break her condition down the road as I felt God wanted me to serve a Mission despite my promise not to do so at 19. Over all, my family has been so amazing and supportive to my activities. When they felt I was depressed at one time, they felt that I needed to go to Church as they felt I had been much happier when I was active. They have shown respect in many ways for my callings in my area. There may have been a few times when they wanted me to do more for them than for those in the Church. Yet, they have really taken an interest. One time when I had a couple callings at one time, my parent gave me a planner.

At my last knowledge, I believe that a woman needed her husband’s permission to join the LDS Church if he was not a member. The Church respects the sanctity of marriage. God knows the hearts and desires of a woman who is in this situation. I think he is so mindful of those who are not able to partake all the blessings of membership due to any circumstances that are not in their control. I had a friend whose husband said that he heard that members of our Church were excommunicated if they married a nonmember. She pointed out to him that if that were true that she would have been excommunicated for marrying him as he was a nonmember.

The Church encourages activities that bring families together whether members or nonmembers including Family Reunions. I have an extended family that was very close growing up and had many opportunities to get together. With the passing of grandparents, we don’t not get together as often. But we have so many memories from those times that I think they do give us a closeness even when we don’t see each other.

Well, I may be a novelty to my family at times. But I am loved and suported and that makes a world of difference.

May

22

Take Another Look

Filed Under Gospel | Leave a Comment

We have probably all heard the importance of first impressions. We have also been told “not to judge a book by its cover.”

And yet, it can be so refreshing when we meet someone who is not as they seem at first.

My first two semesters of College, I took Spanish. I don’t remember if Deb(name changed) was in my first or second semester class. I formed bonds with classmates in this class that was not typical of a lot of courses at a large University. The class size was smaller and being a five credit course, we met five days a week.  There was one person in the class who did not blend as well. Once she was going on the elevator and somebody said something questioning whether she would tell us if she heard class were canceled. I am not sure if it was then or later that I made a statement that was basically saying that she may be cool. As time went on, we came to know her more. She was someone who could get a job based on winning over the interviewer but not keep a job. She was very interesting. She wrote poetry. I don’t think I had written down any poems at this point. As time went on, I think she gained the respect of other classmates.

At Church, I met a woman who seemed so stern and proper in front of Church leading music each Sunday. While I had already had experience with my friend from Spanish, I think that I expected her to be very reserved and formal in person. As she lived near me, it was arranged for me to car pool with her and often her husband. I learned that she had a sense of humor. One time she told me that she was listening to classical music and driving in a neighborhood rather erratically only to be pulled over by a police officer. The officer knew her, if I recollect correctly and was embarrassed as things were not as they seemed. This friend and her husband had been converts to the Church many years before. Her husband had important callings in the Stake.

This sister was my first visiting teacher upon my return home from my mission. I recall how misty her eyes were when we visited a sister in a nursing home who could not communicate due to a stroke. As the impaired sister tried to form an audible word, it seemed almost too much for my companion. I do not know if she knew this woman when she was well. The sister we were visiting had been one of the Pioneer members in my area so they probably did have a history.

My visiting teaching companion had some tragedies strike her daughter’s family. Her grandson was in a nursing home and I think in a vegetative stake. She said that God had a purpose for him. She also lost a granddaughter to suicide and seemed to be at peace that she was in a better place.

When I started struggling with a condition, her concern for me was hard to take. It was the type of care that a parent or grandparent has. Of course, I want people to care. I just did not want her to feel so close to my problems. She said that they would color every part of my life if they were not brought under control. Her words probably were already so true. Years have come and gone and she has passed away. And I would hope that she would see that I am in a much happier place now.

Once I was with her in what I think was an impromptu visit to a married couple who I think were mildly mentally retarded. They were a nice couple, but the husband had a very strong personality. The sister had such determination and would read the scriptures that were cross referenced from what I was told by another sister, which considering her intellectual impairment was quite an inspiration. I think the sister had been sick but I do not believe they were in our ward. My friend from Church seemed as comfortable with them and their eccentric ways as everybody. I recall her also taking a sister with mental illness and a very flat personality from time to time. I do not recall her ever making an unkind remark about either.

But what I remember often about my friend is the words of another friend who she and her husband had employed to do yard work. She said that she was surprised that she laughed from the belly.