Jun

8

Respecting Nonmember Family

Filed Under Family, Respect | 4 Comments

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I was serving in an area shortly after a young woman who was the girlfriend of a member joined the LDS Church. I believe it was our Ward Mission Leader who was very concerned that her “New Member Lessons” would be taught in her home. He wanted her family to know that we did not take people from families. While I am not sure why he felt so serious about the matter, I could speculate that it may have been based in a misconception.

There are times when people who are of age do have to make a decision to join the LDS Church against family wishes. I have known some who have made sacrifices in the short-term until family came around and even in the long run to join the Church or be active if they were raised in a part member family that was hostile to the Church. When possible we do try to respect family members and have appropriate relationships with them.

I was 19 when I was ready to join the Church. I think that I was of age by the rules then, but I was told to ask permission before taking the discussions possibly because I lived at home. Having worked with a lot of members, one of my parents was very open to the idea. The other parent was open but had a condition that I wish she had not said at the time. I had to break her condition down the road as I felt God wanted me to serve a Mission despite my promise not to do so at 19. Over all, my family has been so amazing and supportive to my activities. When they felt I was depressed at one time, they felt that I needed to go to Church as they felt I had been much happier when I was active. They have shown respect in many ways for my callings in my area. There may have been a few times when they wanted me to do more for them than for those in the Church. Yet, they have really taken an interest. One time when I had a couple callings at one time, my parent gave me a planner.

At my last knowledge, I believe that a woman needed her husband’s permission to join the LDS Church if he was not a member. The Church respects the sanctity of marriage. God knows the hearts and desires of a woman who is in this situation. I think he is so mindful of those who are not able to partake all the blessings of membership due to any circumstances that are not in their control. I had a friend whose husband said that he heard that members of our Church were excommunicated if they married a nonmember. She pointed out to him that if that were true that she would have been excommunicated for marrying him as he was a nonmember.

The Church encourages activities that bring families together whether members or nonmembers including Family Reunions. I have an extended family that was very close growing up and had many opportunities to get together. With the passing of grandparents, we don’t not get together as often. But we have so many memories from those times that I think they do give us a closeness even when we don’t see each other.

Well, I may be a novelty to my family at times. But I am loved and suported and that makes a world of difference.

May

21

What does honesty get you?

Filed Under David O. McKay, Gordon B. Hinckley, Gospel, Honesty, Prophets, Talks | 2 Comments

I was browsing through a list of devotionals at byu.edu and came across one given in 1989, entitled “He Loveth That Which Is Right“, and it got me thinking about honesty and truthfulness.

Lately I’ve been through a number of interviews, not because I’m actively looking for work, but because I’m open to what’s out there. In all these interviews I always maintain a high level of honesty, especially when asked why I am leaving the current company I work for. I explain to them, that I have no objections to my current employer, nor am I unhappy with my job. I am merely seeing what is available.

I also, probably too a fault, am honest about my abilities in my field. I know intimately what I’m qualified for and the comfortable amount of leeway I feel for what’s possible. I’m probably too conservative, but I can modify as the need arises.

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to actually get some feedback on the last interview, and accordingly they were impressed with my honesty. While I don’t know if I’ll get the job or not, I feel good that the impression I left is one of honesty.

For Family Home Evening we read a story out of the latest Friend magazine. I admit I picked it because it had an image of a video game on the TV and a boy in a Cub Scout uniform and I figured that covers a few of the things my boys are into.

One phrase caught my eye…

“I was just wondering what other games you have,” Andy said to B.J.

“Why? Don’t you like this one?”

“It’s just—it’s just that …” Andy stammered, trying to make his voice work. “It’s just that my parents won’t let me play that game.”

B.J. laughed. “Oh. Well, that’s OK. We won’t tell them.” 1

So after we had finished reading the story we talked to our boys about the incident and how they would handle it, knowing they have friends in their lives that play video games that are beyond what we allow them. I know the kind of pressure one can feel in these situations because as a kid I can remember those exact ones. Video games, movies, any number of different media - but the same problem exists. Standing up.

I admit, I failed a number of times. I didn’t have the strength needed to follow the admonition of David O. McKay in saying that “it is better to be trusted then to be loved”. 2 I also know of the sheer force that pressure can be on young children, even young adults. Especially for those children who do not get the necessary love and attention from their own parents and turn and seek it elsewhere.

The effects are seen today, and in my mind are only getting worse. Gordon B. Hinckley expressed his views by relating the following.

“How cheaply some men and women sell their good names! I recall the widely publicized case of a prominent public figure who was arrested for taking an item costing less than five dollars. I do not know whether he was ever convicted in the courts, but his petty misdeed convicted him before the people. In a measure, his foolish act nullified much of the good he had done and was capable of yet doing.”3

Today it seems that there is no regard for being caught. Politicians, Actors, and other role models seem to perpetuate the idea that it’s alright, you say sorry to the public, but never really admitting you’ve done anything wrong and you’re free to carry on and do it again.

He goes on to say.

“Some may regard the quality of character known as honesty to be a most ordinary subject. But I believe it to be the very essence of the gospel. Without honesty, our lives and the fabric of our society will disintegrate into ugliness and chaos.”4

While taking that statement by itself paints a pretty bleak outlook, it rings truth. What are the after effects of dishonesty? Look at the rise in the number of divorces, corruptions, and even deaths that could be attributed to the needless act of lying.

What to do? Well I think we need to start with ourselves. We need to look at our lives and see where we can make those changes. I believe our countenance changes when we become more honest, people take notice - especially our children. This also passes on to those around us, I think it rubs off. Teaching our children is another way to advance the idea that being truthful is better then not.

Let’s try to remember the 13th Article of Faith,

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”[AoF 13]

and strive for a more honest lifestyle to those around us and to the Lord.

  1. “Andy’s Choice,” Friend, May 2008, 28–31 ↩
  2. He Loveth That Which Is Right - Marvin J. Ashton (1989) ↩
  3. We Believe in Being Honest - Ensign October 1990 ↩
  4. We Believe in Being Honest - Ensign October 1990 ↩