Helaman’s Army

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I have a love for hidden things and new discoveries that I think may stem from finding the Gospel through a friend and learning so many new teachings in a short span. I was such a sponge in the early days. I remember how attentive I was at Institute, which I started attending shortly before taking the missionary discussions and joining the Church.  I also think my mind was quickened in some ways as I seemed to be able to read the Scriptues including the Old and New Testament faster than I ever have. I think I read the Book of Mormon at a very fast pace then as well. That does not mean I absorbed everything in all of the standard works by any means. I was a special time to look back upon. There were so many teachings that were brand new to me such as living with Heavenly Father before I was born, the thousand year period after the Second Coming marked with peace for all but the end of that period according to my understanding of teachings.  The idea of Zion really caught hold in my heart and that may be a post in itself down the road. I would learn of three degrees of Glory.  Then, there is the Book of Mormon, modern prophets, and temples. There was so much to learn of the Restoration.

I remember the anticipation of going to my first General Conference. I did not know what to expect. I do not think I expected them to be in normal business suits but that may have been from the tradition of my former faith or how I expected them to look like apostles of old.  I have been a member for over twenty years now.  Many themes repeat in General Conference and in Sunday School and Relief Society.  I know that more truths more be revealed in my lifetime according to God’s timing. Although I have heard the basic talks, I do look forward to General Conference to this day.  Jesus taught in simple parables and that is often the way of today with parables or anecdotes to teach me. I know that we learn by repettition as well. When I was in grade school, I remember a priest telling us that we get out of Church what we put into it. I do believe it is my responsibility to prepare my heart for General Conference. When I was more spiritual, I really came away spiritually fed. I do feel blessed in recent years as I have noticed that I often hear thoughts that I have pondered around that time spoken at General Conference. I feel that may means that I am being taught by God what I need to know. Maybe others are given the same emphasis in their hearts and God has us on a teaching program. Although the Gospel can be rather simple, sometimes the most simple concepts can be deep for me to grasp even to this day. I learned from my earliest days in the Church that we need faith, hope, and Charity. President Uchtdorf spoke words about hope and its relationship to faith and charity that I will need to read again and hope to digest further.

I have really come to appreciate hearing the First Presidency and Apostles bear witness of Christ and the truths of the Restored Gospel as I know that they are special witnesses of Christ.  I also need to bask in the comfort and strength that is there for the offering at General Conferences. I am so thankful when the speakers leave us with their blessings. These are scary days and the need for consistency as well as comfort and as needed warnings from those inspired special witnesses is something that I not only look forward to but I long for. I could cast my mind on many things in this cyncial world and also things I read online even on some LDS sites that might drown out the message. Then, it would be my loss. I believe that you need to stay close to the center of the Church for safety. I hope to be true and obedient to all that is repeated over and over as well as the teachings that may come line upon line and precept upon precept.

I struggle with it. I have that problem where I’m not sure if it’s the Holy Ghost, or me saying something to me. But generally I can feel the right thing.

This past week, has been no exception, except for the fact it had to do with one of the biggest and hardest decision I have ever had to make.

Yes I consider knowing my wife was the right one for me [to marry] a big one too - but this one will effect me just about as much.

It was for a job. It doesn’t seem like much, but let me put it in perspective. I travel about 110 miles a day to work and back. I am out of my house 12 hours a day. I make just enough, but with gas prices climbing it’s getting harder and harder to stretch the money. To top things off, my health insurance is more like catastrophic coverage, so we don’t go to the doctor unless it’s an absolute emergency. No, I’m not trying to get your sympathy - I’m just giving out a bit of personal information.

Then a job literally falls into my lap. It’s more money, it’s less then a mile from home, it’s free insurance, better hours, more time off, just all around better. I would have to say that it is the most dreamy job anyone could want.

I can’t recall doing it before for any other job, they always seemed to just happen and I went with them, we’ve been blessed that they’ve been good enough jobs for the most part. But lately as we’ve grow stronger in our knowledge and love for the gospel we’ve leaned on it more and more. So we fasted and prayed about it.

I got a good feeling about it, but never really felt confident about my answer and swayed to optimistic side of thinking that this was perfect and a blessing for our family since we had been fasting and praying for a better job. My wife on the other wasn’t so lucky. She came to me in tears and told me that I shouldn’t take the job, but I stuck to my guns and said I was taking it - I couldn’t pass this up, plus I had told the person I would accept it. For a couple of days, there was nothing but a tense air about the house and my feelings were changing, but not very well. I was still on the fence, I could go either way, both thoughts felt good. I could take it and I felt good, or I give it up, and I felt good.

Then we talked it out (me and my wife). There have been only a handful of times in my life where I’ve felt so calm before, but as my wife cried her feelings out I tried to comfort her and what I said wasn’t what I thought I would say.

I said that I would let the job go, that even though this is a dream job, this isn’t the right path to go down. There’s something else for us whether it be be good or bad it’ll be alright. We’ve always been alright and the Lord will take care of us.

What I didn’t say was how much of weight was lifted off my shoulders as soon as I said it, and frankly as I write this I haven’t really thought of it that much. Before I was constantly thinking about it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was making me sick that I wasn’t getting an answer and that my wife had. I really haven’t even thought about what I’ve given up, even on my long commute - I’m still happy.

While I never really did get a direct answer, I did get an answer. It didn’t come how I wanted it too, it came nonetheless. It was just a very quiet one, the volume knob must have been turned way down. I may never know why I shouldn’t have taken this job, but it doesn’t matter…