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My three-year-old niece may have had her first experience with exclusion about a month ago. She was at a function for my brother-in-law’s dad’s Birthday celebration. A group of siblings who are the children of my brother-in-law’s cousin were playing 3 Ninjas. The middle child made it known that Brooke was not welcome. “She’s not hurting anything; she’s just sitting here,” said my mom in an explanatory manner. Only a few weeks earlier this boy who I think is around eight had played nicely with Brooke at my brother-in-law’s parent’s home. And Brooke was so happy about this that she said something about him playing with her or talking with her. Now the stakes were different. The child may have been demonstrating the poor side of leadership ability. He has quite a personality according to my sister and when he leaves a park the parents and children all say good-bye to him. That is quite a presence! I know that around eight is the age of secret clubs and exclusion. He said that the Ninjas were all related. My mom said that Brooke was Brian(my brother-in-law) and Becky’s niece. He seemed to take it in. Brooke didn’t seem to be upset by all of this as far as my mom could tell. Having Grandma with her may have made it a “safe place.”
Grandmas can be such a safe place and can help keep harmony with the children. I remember hearing that my own grandma was heart sick when my cousins were not getting along during a visit. They were from two different families. My family was neutral territory and got along with both. When grown, my second oldest cousin would confess how she often picked on another cousin. I don’t think she let it known that she knew the real reason for grandma being upset. I just remember someone saying that we needed to pick up the downstairs and I think we all pitched in as we heard Grandma was sad. I think I learned from my mom later that Grandma was upset about fighting.
Teachers also can create that safe place. A guest speaker at one of my University classes for people studying Special Education said that children really are welcoming if you prepare them in the right way. She said with the proper training that a Prehistoric Reptile could sit at the desk of the children and that they would be comfortable. Her experience with mainstreaming had been that positive. Children can be very catty and say mean things about those who are different in looks or even has a funny name. Children can also be very teachable. They have limited experience and I think that makes them so open to adults. Props to all the Grandmas, teachers, and caregivers etc who make it a safer place for children to make friends.
