Helaman’s Army

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One of the assignments in a high school religion class was to look at how your image of God has changed through the years. I have reflected on this in recent days and have tried to answer this question probably more fully than I did even in the years leading up to my original writing in high school while realizing the changes that have come to me in the years since my original writing.

I start now at the same place that I think I started in my assignment. I was a child and I think in First Grade. I was seated on the floor with my class while a Priest spoke with us. This was a rare visit. The Priest taught us that even if we were all alone and thought nobody knew what we were doing that God knew. I remember listening pretty intently and that the words had some effect on me and my earliest views of God as someone who knows everything. There are no secrets from God.

My belief in God in my grade school years revolved around God being the giver of what I wanted. I wanted him to perform a miracle to do my Math homework when I forgot my book and tried to bargain with him with such things as making my bed. The homework was undone by the sentence seemed light compared to what I feared. I hate to think of seeing God in the same light as Santa Claus. But in some ways that may have been my view. I recall once even praying to God to let Santa know what I wanted to Christmas.

In around fourth and fifth, I would rattle of the most shallow and short prayer. There was no foreshadowing of someone who would be spiritual in later years. In not so many words, I was basically asking to have good enough vision not to need glasses and to remain a child. I realize how worried my parents would have been if I were frozen in time in childhood as was my heart’s desire. I don’t recall praying for another during this period. It was all about me and not growing up. There was no real relationship with God. I didn’t even invite his help in other areas of my help nor do I think I was cable of that broad of thinking yet.

At my school, we would sometimes have a time when we could say confessions to a Priest. I remember praying on such a day in my youth with child-like faith in Church for my Grandma who had severe rheumotoid arthritius. Shortly afterwards, I learned that she was going to have a new treatment and I felt it was answers to my prayers. Later, I think I prayed for her again at Church during the time waiting or after seeing the Priest and shortly afterwards found out that the treatments that I think were not good were ended and I think I took this as an answer to prayer.

In high school, I was a rather troubled youth. Angst seems to have been coined for the very feelings of my youth. While I was not a wild child, I did have huge regrets regarding how I treated my mother. I felt like I was a monster. I don’t remember what I prayed about too much but I think wanting God to let me die was at the top of my list. Oh, I had depression too. There were a couple of times that I remember feeling good when praying. I did not know yet about the influence of the Holy Spirit. I felt a peace and knowing that God loved me who knew everything helped me. I still was just as troubled on a day to bases. Yet, I knew there were no secrets with God. He knew my every mistake. He still loved me.

After I became LDS, I conceptualized God as looking like Jesus. This was a little hard to get used to. The Doctrine that I lived with God before I was born and that he is the Father of my Spirit really made me feel more close to God. After receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, I felt so blessed and so much peace. I felt so very loved. I would also learn that faith allowed me to do things that were contrary to my shy nature. I did not know faith could bring about change before and of the assistance and strength God could give to us.

Later, I would go through emotionally a lot of trials. I felt that I followed what God wanted me to do and it was so hard. It was the hardest thing in my life. And I felt so prepared to do what he wanted me to do. I viewed God as a tester. And I was so shaken up. I was afraid to ask for guidance as I didn’t want to be put to the test.

Now I see again the many ways God has blessed me. And he has brought me out of that darkness. I think I have regained feelings of friendship that I had towards God during my early years of being LDS at least to some degree.

I have also had to catch myself at times and realize that as wonderful as it is to have a relationship with God that He is really infinite and perfect. I read a good book on Catholic theology that spoke of how infinite God is recently. I felt such peace in my prayer that night. Knowing that God is so much more than I can comprehend gave me such feelings of reverence. The feelings of faith described in the book are much as I have experienced through the years starting when I was Catholic and continuing as an LDS person. God has been the same all along and has reached me at times through the years and guided me. At times, I feel God has guided me in spite of the many roadblocks that I create.

God is infinite. And being perfect and more than the smartest and wisest person on Earth, God still allows me to approach him as my Heavenly Father. I have heard of people that are so intelligent that they can’t relate to the common man. God can relate to me when I am simple and also when I think I am much more mature and contemplative. I think I need to learn more of my limits and how much of what I am is due to God allowing me to reach this point and carrying me. God is personal.

I struggle with it. I have that problem where I’m not sure if it’s the Holy Ghost, or me saying something to me. But generally I can feel the right thing.

This past week, has been no exception, except for the fact it had to do with one of the biggest and hardest decision I have ever had to make.

Yes I consider knowing my wife was the right one for me [to marry] a big one too - but this one will effect me just about as much.

It was for a job. It doesn’t seem like much, but let me put it in perspective. I travel about 110 miles a day to work and back. I am out of my house 12 hours a day. I make just enough, but with gas prices climbing it’s getting harder and harder to stretch the money. To top things off, my health insurance is more like catastrophic coverage, so we don’t go to the doctor unless it’s an absolute emergency. No, I’m not trying to get your sympathy - I’m just giving out a bit of personal information.

Then a job literally falls into my lap. It’s more money, it’s less then a mile from home, it’s free insurance, better hours, more time off, just all around better. I would have to say that it is the most dreamy job anyone could want.

I can’t recall doing it before for any other job, they always seemed to just happen and I went with them, we’ve been blessed that they’ve been good enough jobs for the most part. But lately as we’ve grow stronger in our knowledge and love for the gospel we’ve leaned on it more and more. So we fasted and prayed about it.

I got a good feeling about it, but never really felt confident about my answer and swayed to optimistic side of thinking that this was perfect and a blessing for our family since we had been fasting and praying for a better job. My wife on the other wasn’t so lucky. She came to me in tears and told me that I shouldn’t take the job, but I stuck to my guns and said I was taking it - I couldn’t pass this up, plus I had told the person I would accept it. For a couple of days, there was nothing but a tense air about the house and my feelings were changing, but not very well. I was still on the fence, I could go either way, both thoughts felt good. I could take it and I felt good, or I give it up, and I felt good.

Then we talked it out (me and my wife). There have been only a handful of times in my life where I’ve felt so calm before, but as my wife cried her feelings out I tried to comfort her and what I said wasn’t what I thought I would say.

I said that I would let the job go, that even though this is a dream job, this isn’t the right path to go down. There’s something else for us whether it be be good or bad it’ll be alright. We’ve always been alright and the Lord will take care of us.

What I didn’t say was how much of weight was lifted off my shoulders as soon as I said it, and frankly as I write this I haven’t really thought of it that much. Before I was constantly thinking about it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was making me sick that I wasn’t getting an answer and that my wife had. I really haven’t even thought about what I’ve given up, even on my long commute - I’m still happy.

While I never really did get a direct answer, I did get an answer. It didn’t come how I wanted it too, it came nonetheless. It was just a very quiet one, the volume knob must have been turned way down. I may never know why I shouldn’t have taken this job, but it doesn’t matter…

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on this upcoming holiday. Before all the fireworks, picnics, swimming and parties lead to one short weekend, and I realize I’ve yet to make a post.

I want to talk about why this holiday is one of the most important holidays to me. This one isn’t about presents, or candy. This one isn’t about bunnies or ghosts. This one is about God and this Country.

People can say what they will about the founding fathers, but they are all wrong! God inspired the men and women who led and changed the course of events to take this country out of bondage and create the first uniquely free nation, a nation founded under the belief in God.

It amazes me how far people will go in their effort to tear this country apart under the guise of freedom. Using inept interpretations of how those freedoms work. They tend to forget that with all that freedom comes a very real and a very great amount of responsibility. They take for granted, just exactly how they obtained the freedom they so carelessly toss about.

As LDS members, this should mean more to you then the jello salad you’ll have this weekend, or that perfectly cooked steak you’ll have. This country and it’s Constitution is so important to our religion. We should try to understand it as completely as we can. We have been warned, even prophesied - ““Even this nation will be on the very verge of crumbling to pieces and tumbling to the ground, and when the Constitution is upon the brink of ruin, this people will be the staff upon which the nation shall lean, and they shall bear the Constitution away from the very verge of destruction”¹.

Does anyone actually understand what that means? In a talk given by Cleon Skousen, entitled “Secret Combinations and Freedom” he describes the answer by learning it, understanding it and being able to apply it [The Constitution]. Are you ready to bear up the Constitution? I know I’m not. But as brother Skousen said, it gives a measure of relief to know it’s us that will do it.

With the recent 2nd Amendment ruling, it was made evident to me, just how much I didn’t know. Sure I understood the basics, but even then I was painfully aware that I lacked understanding in key principles that I thought I knew.

According to brother Skousen, in another talk entitled “Secret to America’s Strength” he illustrates that the founding fathers answered every problem America is facing (I beleive the talk was written in the 70’s) at that time, and I’d be willing to bet still answers them today - but we’ve been slowly and quietly moved in a different direction. Away from what God had inspired these men to write, and what those words meant.

I’ll end this post with just a couple of thoughts and ideas.

The first so give you some cause for happiness. It’s a prophesy [The Constitution will crumble], and that means there is always a cause and effect action applied to it. If we do this, this will happen adversely if we don’t do this, that will happen. The Constitution need not crumble.

That’s where the second piece comes in. I’ve suggested it before, and I’ll do it again. LEARN THE CONSTITUTION. But don’t just read it, understand it. You’ll notice if you read the first couple of pages of opinion on the recent 2nd Amendment ruling that even Supreme Court justices reference 18th century dictionaries to properly define words used. You can do this too. I also suggest reference material, written by church leaders and scholars - Cleon Skousen is a great start and you get his teaching material that he used in his own Constitutional course given at BYU.

Readers, I testify to you of the power and strength of Heavenly Father. He loves us, and that loves is so deep and sweet that with it and His strength we can over comes anything! While I am not a perfect person, and sometimes feel so inadequate, but as my Father in Heaven has the greatest capacity to forgive and love me, I know that with Him all things can be accomplished.

One last thing, have a wonderful 4th of July! Cook a yummy meal and celebrate exactly what the 4th means to this nation and your family.

I am not someone who sets out to bash. I have had less than a handful of incidents where I felt that combative feeling come out when confronted with people who had views opposed to my LDS beliefs. And such feelings are always met with regret. One of the people was someone who I liked and had only recently starting teaching. He was not bashing but rather sharing another religion that he had considered and I think how they felt Saturday was the Lord’s Day. I made a snide remark about pork or something. I felt bad and apologized. Later, I would learn a lot more about a denomonation who considers Saturday to be the Lord’s Day and gain so much respect for them after watching their network.

I think bashing removes us from the humanity of the other person. While it may not have been bashing per say, I have an older friend who said that she told the missionaries knocking on her door that she was already saved. As an LDS missionary, I remember having conversations and feelings about this and sometimes they were not so kind. The missionary retorted in what she felt was a rude way that he was going to heaven too or something to that effect. This woman had been a friend of my family for years. My dad worked with her husband. We socialized as a family and they had a daughter my age. She is very religious. Family is so important to her. She has expressed such care for me though we don’t talk much. I was hurt for her.

Sometimes I think bashing comes from insecurity or thinking we have to prove things. God is able to do his own work. And in the end, faith is always required to have any religious belief as you cannot prove it. You can help people with concerns and often bring out facts or help with false information.

I recall seeing President Gordon B. Hinckley be interviewed by Larry King years ago. The interview went well. There was mention of something of the Church and blacks and the Priesthood. President Hinckley pretty much said that was the past and we needed to look at the Church’s current postion. I would have probably have given some long drawn out explanation.

There was a sister missionary who according to a mutual companion was the hardest working of all missionaries. She also had such a love for her pioneer ancestor who crawled during part of the stretch of her Pioneer journey. I think she had a strong testimony. When someone confronted her about a belief, I think that according to this mutual companion that she was calm and did tell them that was what we believed.

I also have a side of me that likes to argue and win at times. I have to keep it in check. Usually I am very noncombative. Sacred truths are not a sport. We need to share with love and concern with a person and love them. I have had a couple of well-meaning people get under my skin as they tried to discuss my beliefs. One man was clearly trying to show me the error of my ways. My heart was not as it should have been in those moments. If love goes out the door, the conversation needs to end. Period.

I know the title is a little bit of a generalization, and it’s probably due to my own lack of finding out, but I still wanted to talk about it.

With the Presidential elections coming up, political climates, and after listening to a few older talks by General Authorities and past Church Presidents, the question arises.

You listen to talks given by Ezra Taft Benson, and realize rather quickly that he had some very poignant words about the proper role of government ¹, the divinity of the constitution ², and various other quotes ³, that there was a different climate in the church.

What happened?

I sometimes lament to my wife that our church has taken a less active role in being proactive in politics. My wife of course who is the smarter of us explained that maybe it has to do with a bigger problem in our church.

By this I mean a listening problem. What were we told 50 years ago about food storage, 30 years ago, 10 years ago? I don’t know either, I would hazard a guess that it started at something like storing as much as possible, then worked it way down to 1 year of food, fuel, essentials to the current level of basically just get something stored, a 72 kit and like 1 month of food storage.

Do you know in the 70’s, Spencer W. Kimball said:

Recognizing that the family is the basic unit of both the Church and society generally, we call upon Latter-day Saints everywhere to strengthen and beautify the home with renewed effort in these specific areas: food production, preservation, storage; the production and storage of nonfood items; fixup and cleanup of homes and surroundings. We wish to say another word about this in the next meeting.

We encourage you to grow all the food that you feasibly can on your own property. Berry bushes, grapevines, fruit trees—plant them if your climate is right for their growth. Grow vegetables and eat them from your own yard. Even those residing in apartments or condominiums can generally grow a little food in pots and planters. Study the best methods of providing your own foods. Make your garden as neat and attractive as well as productive. If there are children in your home, involve them in the process with assigned responsibilities.⁴

I was listening to a statement on NPR the other week that talked about how much can be saved by just growing tomatoes and other small vegetables over buying them from the store in the course of a year. It said that the average savings was ~$1500. That goes a long way in helping to reduce debt too. But don’t get thinking this was for home owners with large yards, if I remember correctly the woman they interviewed lived in a town home or apartment.

But why have we reached such a low level of storage? I’m sure some of it has to do with smaller living spaces, but I also think as a church, people just aren’t listening, and this is exactly what they [The Church] was running into in the 70’s. Quoting from the same talk by Spencer W. Kimball:

As I listened to their addresses, I kept thinking over and over of something the Savior said,“Why call ye me Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” It rolled over and over and over in my mind: “Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” [Luke 6:46] ⁵

So why am I going in such a large circle to explain a point of political dormancy? Well it’s to put it into context. Why do our Prophets and General Authorities continually going over the same principles every conference?

Do we listen?

But back to politics.

I established the Constitution of this land, by the hands of wise men whom I raised up unto this very purpose[D&C 101:80].

It would seem to me, that the Constitution is a rather important document to our church. I can’t find the article I read that explained the LDS church and the Constitution being intimately connected but suffice it to say - if it [The Constitution] fails the LDS church fails.

But knowing that the Lord brought about the Constitution, why aren’t we as members doing more to uphold it, to stand behind it, to defend it?

Are we caught up in the idea that a member will save it when it hangs by a thread therefore we don’t need to do anything? Are we content in just letting someone else do something to fix it (and how well is that working?)? Are we just too complacent?

I can’t answer the question wholly, and trust me I understand how hard it is to know what to do. But I think there are some basics we can do to start with.

Get to know the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Declaration of Independence. All three of these documents are the foundation of our country. Teach them to your children, right along with learning the Articles of Faith, help to them to understand our rights and freedoms. I feel the more you know, the more likely you are to take offense when they are violated.

Take some time to listen or read some of the older talks. Especially “The Proper Role of Government” by Ezra Taft Benson. He offers a lot of great talks that are politically charged. There are also some talks given by Cleon Skousen that are part of this subject too.

I’ll leave with one last thing…

Children should learn to work. Parents should not spend their nights and days trying to find something to interest their children. They should find something to occupy them and get them busy doing something that is worthwhile.⁶