Jun

8

Respecting Nonmember Family

Authorbkb
TagsFamily, Respect
Print ThisPrint This Post

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! If you'd like to write for Helaman's Army, please use the contact form and let us know!



I was serving in an area shortly after a young woman who was the girlfriend of a member joined the LDS Church. I believe it was our Ward Mission Leader who was very concerned that her “New Member Lessons” would be taught in her home. He wanted her family to know that we did not take people from families. While I am not sure why he felt so serious about the matter, I could speculate that it may have been based in a misconception.

There are times when people who are of age do have to make a decision to join the LDS Church against family wishes. I have known some who have made sacrifices in the short-term until family came around and even in the long run to join the Church or be active if they were raised in a part member family that was hostile to the Church. When possible we do try to respect family members and have appropriate relationships with them.

I was 19 when I was ready to join the Church. I think that I was of age by the rules then, but I was told to ask permission before taking the discussions possibly because I lived at home. Having worked with a lot of members, one of my parents was very open to the idea. The other parent was open but had a condition that I wish she had not said at the time. I had to break her condition down the road as I felt God wanted me to serve a Mission despite my promise not to do so at 19. Over all, my family has been so amazing and supportive to my activities. When they felt I was depressed at one time, they felt that I needed to go to Church as they felt I had been much happier when I was active. They have shown respect in many ways for my callings in my area. There may have been a few times when they wanted me to do more for them than for those in the Church. Yet, they have really taken an interest. One time when I had a couple callings at one time, my parent gave me a planner.

At my last knowledge, I believe that a woman needed her husband’s permission to join the LDS Church if he was not a member. The Church respects the sanctity of marriage. God knows the hearts and desires of a woman who is in this situation. I think he is so mindful of those who are not able to partake all the blessings of membership due to any circumstances that are not in their control. I had a friend whose husband said that he heard that members of our Church were excommunicated if they married a nonmember. She pointed out to him that if that were true that she would have been excommunicated for marrying him as he was a nonmember.

The Church encourages activities that bring families together whether members or nonmembers including Family Reunions. I have an extended family that was very close growing up and had many opportunities to get together. With the passing of grandparents, we don’t not get together as often. But we have so many memories from those times that I think they do give us a closeness even when we don’t see each other.

Well, I may be a novelty to my family at times. But I am loved and suported and that makes a world of difference.

Last 5 posts by bkb

Comments

4 Responses to “Respecting Nonmember Family”

  1. Lady_Linds on June 8th, 2008 6:31 pm

    It is important to respect the needs and differences in our families. I’ve found this to be very true.

    I grew up around LDS members (although at the time I didn’t know that they were LDS). A lady that is a family friend, Julia, would watch me as my dad worked as a manager at a gas station on days that my grandparents couldn’t handle both my brother and I and my mom was ill. She was lovely and always sweet. She’d have me “help” her out making sandwiches in the deli- and we’d talk about the Bible and stories in the Bible- which I know my parents were fine with.

    Years later, my babysitter was LDS as well. She also was very patient, which was a task as my younger brother was quite a handful. He was very disturbed that my mom was hospitalized honestly and didn’t understand that Barbara was trying to help a need of us being watched.

    Some years later, Julia gave my family a Book of Mormon for Christmas. My dad was grateful and put it on our bookshelf downstairs. I don’t know if he read it because my mom found it shortly thereafter and tore it up because she thought it was evil.

    My mom was very anti-mormon. Her opinions were based off of misconceptions though. She didn’t realize that Mormons saw Christ as the Savior, that they believe in the Bible, etc. I’m glad that I have been able to help her not have so much distain for the Church. I don’t know if she’ll convert, but at least through my respect for her, and my openness to her I’ve been able to help her understand.

    [Reply]
  2. bkb on June 9th, 2008 9:41 am

    Linds, you have had some great LDS role models from an early age. I am sorry that your mom was so hostile to the Church. In clearing up some misconceptions, it sounds like she is more accepting. I don’t think we can tell in the short run if someone will join. It can take years.

    What is important to my mom is a belief in Jesus Christ. When I told her that I wanted to be baptized, she questioned whether Mormons believe in Jesus. Then she remembered that the Osmonds had Christmas specials on t.v. at one time.

    Linds, I know that you do everything possible to keep relationships going with family even with differences in faith. My family has been so cool about my faith. I have a couple of cousins and an aunt there were anti, but they have treated me with such respect only sharing a pamplet once.

    I wish relatives would ask more questions though as it is hard for me to bring up matters about my religion as I don’t want them to feel like I am forcing it on them. Well, I always teach my mom at opportunities. When the missionaries came here, she said that I preached to her all the time so she didn’t need them. Umn, maybe I should try a different approach of waiting for more opportunities that come in a natural way. We have had a couple of really good discussions through the years. Did I mention that my mom is really cool? She is!

    [Reply]
  3. Eric Nielson on June 10th, 2008 5:34 am

    I think it is great that your family has been so supportive. A planner when you have two callings? Wow. What a great family you have.

    Eric Nielsons last blog post..Three Degrees of What? Salvation or Damnation?

    [Reply]
  4. bkb on June 12th, 2008 8:25 am

    Eric, I agree that my family is very special in how much they have supported me in my Church activities. I don’t take it for granted! :)

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply